Alone In a dark room, -Every entity has left me here. -The door Is barred by a broom, Belonging to the witch who sealed my faith. -Curled into a ball -Knees to my chest, back against the wall. -This is my only protection. -Although the only breath I hear is my own, -I’m reminded I’m not yet alone. Lingering above me Is the everlasting pressure, -That makes my body wrack with sobs. -Cut, It whispers, The foul word drips with a venom even snakes envy. It swirls around me, -Taking in the sight of the cowardly abomination that is me. This may not be a pleasurable presence, -But at least I’m not abandoned. -Detached from all beings, this empty feeling must be my sole purpose. 2.
Time bomb – 2014 -You’re Like a time bomb -Ticking endlessly -She’s walling for you to explode Stabbing her with the millions of scattered pieces you’ll have broken into -It’s only a matter of time -As she watches you fading -You’re falling apart before her eyes -and she is trying desperately to do -what all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t -But she can’t change the past -She can’t undo what’s already been done -She can’t take back their venomous words Or somehow make you forget all the pain you endured -Because even If she drives them away -you are soul your own worst enemy And the monsters outside -The paint of your resilience is chipping away -And you’re clutching to your blade more desperately than before -Her pleas and promises are falling on deaf ears -And sometimes she wonders if all this sorrow is worth -the happiness she feels -When she’s holding your hand -But then she remembers the girl -Who, at only fifteen -Was going to take her life -And she was clutching Just as desperately to that knife -but you saved her -And you’ve been saving her ever since She saw a light in your eyes, there was nothing left to fear -And now helplessly -She watches it disappear -She wants to be the savior, that you are to her -But no matter how hopeful she seems -She’s optimistic in vain -You say she can’t make you happy, she can’t end the pain -She speaks wistfully of future plans -She wishes on a star -Words turn into razors -You say you don’t plan on making it that far -But she still loves you Just the way you are -And like a time bomb would -You’ll explode -destroying everything in your path -And when you do -She’ll have nothing left -Suicide is such a Shiite thing to expect 3. Thunderstorm – 2014 -You taught me how to count beautifully -The seconds between -Thunder and lightning -As it shook the foundation of our world -You taught me -Not to be afraid -But baby there is a thunderstorm -Raging on outside -But I can only count -The days since you -All because -Of me 4.
How to destroy an infection – 2014 I need someone To help me get rid of these feelings The feeling that I’m disgusting But I’ve come to realize that No one can get rid of them No one They’re a part of me And the only way to destroy the infection Is to attack at the root 5. Sixty percent deadly – 2014 Humans are approximately Sixty percent water Because, you see We are all oceans Seas Lakes Rivers Puddles Droplets Tears We slip our fingertips in To test the waters To see if these people will love us Love you Foolishly For you have forgotten As you always do when you are Blinded & confused as sweet liquid Fills your lungs You’re drowning Drowning in someone else But you are not the victim You are the villain Ignorant Have you forgotten, Sabina?
You are a plague A reckless force of evil You create hurricanes with Your words Typhoons with Your actions Yet still you dip your fingertips in Slowly being swallowed In bittersweet and forgetful bliss As you kill everyone around you How many lives must you take To remember 6. Crimson – 2013 The dark crimson streaks They’re all too familiar Deep down across the canvas of my wrist You promised… I hear his echo The solemn whisper still clear Above the buzzing in my ear I lay in bed, open my eyes Shift my head I’m looking at destruction, hatred Written across my wrists They scream at me I’m staring at words Strong enough to break bones I’m peering in through the cracks Is someone looking back?
She wants to escape The girl inside She can’t find her way out I need a small crevice, she hisses, Just one, pretty please? Sweet venom laces her words I wonder aloud, hearing no reply Has she gone already? Lied and escaped without a passing goodbye? Or maybe I cut too deep And broke her too But Just then, I hear A faint laugh I’m still deep down inside of you Cut deeper, you’ll reach me I promise Those two words are so familiar But my cuts have almost healed I plead But Sabina, darling, I need to be freed I can’t stand this anymore Just end the pain I know what to do I must be insane And with that We’re back to where we started And how I’ve missed it It’s been three days since I last saw 7.
Click© – 2014 They say to wear your heart on your sleeve But That seems a bit gruesome Doesn’t it? How does one wear a heart? Do you take a needle and thread Slowly and painfully piercing The edges of your heart Threading it to The fabric on your wrist Splattering the innocent,even friends With blood as you wave It’s almost laughable Do you attach it to The nerve endings Willing them to protrude And wrap around the organ we have removed As a sort of method to express ourselves What a comical notion I’m sorry It Just seems rather silly to me I’d love to show my feelings But I’d prefer to keep my organs inside 8. Learning to Breathe Water – 2014 You know the things you learn
That you would’ve never considered prior to learning them but after learning them you feel like you’ve known you’re whole life and you try but you can’t remember who you were before that like Who was I before I knew x Like Sabina, your mouth is not a good place for spare change Sabina, your mouth should not speak of change that is a Mans decision Sabina, put on your settable Sabina, wearing a short skirt is Just as dangerous as not wearing one Sabina, you have to go home your shorts are much too short I hear Sabina, the boys have to focus to learn, your body is too distracting and it is your alt that they sexuality you Sabina, the electrical socket is not a good place for dinner knives Sabina, neither is your wrist Okay Sabina, neither are your thighs I realize that learning is Just Life crushing and molding your brain You lose independence You wonder what you can do I try desperately To breathe water Even though I’ve learned So long ago that Sabina, you can’t breathe water Unless you don’t want to breathe Anymore 9. Wear girls – 2014 We are the girls who haven’t run the mile in four years because we Layer our deep v necks with excuses and bat our eyelashes at the male gym teachers
We are taught to survive by using our bodies as Swiss Army knives Involuntarily It’s the game we’ve been playing since we were children Deceive, but be polite Girls, we have to be nice Used to the masculine brutality Male kindness is so alien to us we mistake it for seduction every time Age 7, my 15 year old cousin touches me, makes me touch him It took me years to realize that force was not love, when he called me beautiful he did not look beneath my abused skin Age 12, Dad says wearing short skirts in the city is like driving without a settable Age 13, a boy I’ve been dating for a week asks me to have sex with him, he says it’s he only way I can show my love Age 15, my boyfriend, hits me If only it was unexpected I blame myself Age 16, my dad calls me sexy, on a regular basis, I take it as a compliment not knowing any better but the queasy feeling in my stomach tells me Something is wrong With the Waved tardiest, free drinks, smacked asses, my yoga pants are not a welcome mat, thank you Playing this game to realize This is not female privilege this is survival of the prettiest We are easily startled Who wouldn’t be I am barked at from the streets We are the girls petrified of the business school boys who learn to somehow manifest success by refusing to take no for an answer Aggression is key Once my friend and I got cat called She said screw you I said thank you, head down Like I was trained to 10. I once loved a psychopath- 2014 I once loved a psychopath Completely aware He could never be capable of a love that wasn’t Clinging to another person and wrapping around their Throats and down their chests and to their hearts To squeeze out every once of affection from you But I didn’t care Because he told me the world wasn’t nearly as beautiful as I He told me That the reason why our blood is red Is the same reason why some stars are red
Their time is Almost up Our time is It has always been And he told me that’s okay That this only means it wont be too long before We become fireworks And we’d be a part of something Tremendously bigger Together And I once loved a psychopath Who kept me alive Longer than the medication and therapy ever could I became slowly entangled in his words His false compliments tied me down and I knew Exactly what was happening His words ran up my body, creeping Like vines Thorns cutting me as they slithered Up my torso Wrapping around my throat Wrapping his hands around my throat And squeezing So hard, I began to see stars And I said to myself; This is it. My time is up. I am a firework, and I am becoming a part of something bigger. 11. My kind of alone – 2014 People think of alone as A dark hole Where no sound and no light and no life can Penetrate But I don’t think so because I have been down that hole many times before I have lived it and still I feel More at home there than Or a group full of friends But who knows Maybe our kind of alone is the sadder kind Because it’s the kind that makes you Not fear death anymore 12.
Letting go- 2014 Letting go of The one you thought you loved more than Anything More than Everything Is not like dropping someone off The edge of a cliff However badly you might wish it was It’s not And no matter how long you Put it off This inevitable thing It will never be easier Just get it over with Oh but don’t be fooled Getting it over with does not imply An instantaneous relief They aren’t some bandit Holding together two infected halves Of a whole twisted heart Oh no Letting go Of someone you love Is a slow release A long painful exhale In a room starved for oxygen A Jet of helium Slowly streaming from that pinprick In the plastic skin of a young child’s party balloon Who didn’t get their birthday wish